Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
