Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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