i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize