i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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