Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
