What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
