I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Mom said you looked used
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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