wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
