pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
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you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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