I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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