you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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