at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
