Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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