My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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