Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
