I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
