party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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