The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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