I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
