Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was confusing and full of hummus
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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