I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
