If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
