We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
