sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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