9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
