Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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