I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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