after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
