I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
