please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
