How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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