Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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