My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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