hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
