You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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