I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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