OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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