I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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