my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
