His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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