I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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