im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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