Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
