I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
