This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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