Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
