there's paper in my vomit.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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