Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
