everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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