doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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