Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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