This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
