I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
