Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
