we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
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I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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