I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
