I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
