What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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