hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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